I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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