Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
