i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
