I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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