It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
