tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
