Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
