dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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