Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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