I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
