who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
