Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
