he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
His nipple licking is glorious
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