I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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