when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
