Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The Olympian is in my bed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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