made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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