I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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