Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
