I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
