when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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