i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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