Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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