Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
