Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize