So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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