At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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