She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
