that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
