I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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