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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  ahaha ok

  (708): View more from Illinois

  let's call it "werewolfing"

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"

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• (212): View more from New York

  I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot

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