i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket