Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
