Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?

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  (734): What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo? http://tfl.nu/r7wm
  Replies (27) Good night (3478) Bad night (1529)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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  (515): Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out? http://tfl.nu/ragd
  Replies (48) Good night (967) Bad night (2038)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You fucking left with him didn't you?!

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  (636): At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand" (314): You fucking left with him didn't you?! http://tfl.nu/a3ou
  Replies (33) Good night (1653) Bad night (3943)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail

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  (845): For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail http://tfl.nu/lqnd
  Replies (6) Good night (4223) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..

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  (586): i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed.. http://tfl.nu/gekz
  Replies (34) Good night (5640) Bad night (1074)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

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  (609): we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding? http://tfl.nu/9jac
  Replies (11) Good night (4748) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.

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  (801): She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous. http://tfl.nu/mgxb
  Replies (5) Good night (4579) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude

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  (808): There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude http://tfl.nu/nnq9
  Replies (2) Good night (1497) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge

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  (519): There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge http://tfl.nu/5e7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1564) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!

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  (845): finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted! http://tfl.nu/7ysb
  Replies (6) Good night (1783) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (589): View more from

  This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.

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  (589): This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing. http://tfl.nu/5sq0
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.

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  (302): Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you. http://tfl.nu/p99c
  Replies (7) Good night (1464) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.

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  (229): Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat. http://tfl.nu/64z4
  Replies (15) Good night (382) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...

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  (603): Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life... http://tfl.nu/r8ks
  Replies (3) Good night (322) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.

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  (781): Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it. http://tfl.nu/uzna
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (288)

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