Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.

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(269): I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient. http://tfl.nu/pars

Replies (10) Good night (712) Bad night (2349)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone

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(215): I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone http://tfl.nu/geen

Replies (5) Good night (656) Bad night (2564)
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(216): View more from Ohio

i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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(216): i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure. http://tfl.nu/jrrk

Replies (21) Good night (991) Bad night (5297)
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(770): View more from Georgia

i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow

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(770): i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow http://tfl.nu/owei

Replies (102) Good night (5403) Bad night (1380)
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(210): View more from Texas

I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.

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(210): I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast. http://tfl.nu/qvgk

Replies (143) Good night (2488) Bad night (50832)
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(315): View more from New York

found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.

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(315): found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital. http://tfl.nu/yphr

Replies (8) Good night (4088) Bad night (1630)
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(815): View more from Illinois

just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.

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(815): just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays. http://tfl.nu/2pfb

Replies (7) Good night (2480) Bad night (789)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.

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(405): There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway. http://tfl.nu/olpt

Replies (6) Good night (1422) Bad night (1038)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.

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(814): Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever. http://tfl.nu/him8

Replies (2) Good night (1436) Bad night (1566)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS

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(630): I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS http://tfl.nu/zymg

Replies (7) Good night (2465) Bad night (723)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.

(270): View more from Kentucky

No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

(618): View more from Illinois

Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.

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(618): Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you. (270): No, that's okay. Don't worry about it. (618): Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/gcov

Replies (45) Good night (3722) Bad night (1407)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum

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(610): i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain (215): replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum http://tfl.nu/e0rs

Replies (2) Good night (1671) Bad night (667)
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(344): View more from

So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof

(774): View more from Massachusetts

They're waiting for you to die

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(344): So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof (774): They're waiting for you to die http://tfl.nu/5pk9

Replies (6) Good night (2192) Bad night (616)
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(360): View more from Washington

I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.

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(360): I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been. http://tfl.nu/46nz

Replies (3) Good night (884) Bad night (571)
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(647): View more from Ontario

We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works

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(647): We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works http://tfl.nu/o9x9

Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (209)

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