He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
