so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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