so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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