what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
