No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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