where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
