he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
