You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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