Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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