Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
