omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
