I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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