He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
