Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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