i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
