The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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