I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize