You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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