Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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