singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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