wanna go halves on a baby?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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