new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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