i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
