please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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