I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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