I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
