What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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