I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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