I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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