You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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