Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
