Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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