Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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