if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
