There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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